Catching Up

I was travelling a lot of last week, so didn't get a chance to post. I actually missed it a bit, mostly just getting all of my thoughts down on "paper" I guess. So, let's see if I can remember everything that's been on my mind...

That's a good place to start: my brain is so checked out. Some days aren't bad at all, I remember things just like before I was pregnant...then there are the rest of the days. This baby-brain thing is not a joke; usually I'm really good with words (I know, I don't showcase it here) and names and dates, but lately I just can't call to mind information that should be pretty cemented in there. Like today at work: I've been telling a contractor that I ordered more plans for him two weeks ago and needed to know if he got them. It's not entirely my fault it took this long because he kept not answering me, but I was sure I had sent the drawings to plot. Then I looked back through my emails...definitely only asked for more drawings for a different project, also a school that starts with the same letter and needed the same number of drawings, but still, I had looked at that sent email multiple times making sure I had indeed sent it. Oh well, it hasn't slowed down the work or cost anyone money.

And work. Goodness, it's getting harder to convince myself I can't go in wearing yoga pants and a hoodie. Don't worry, I'm strong enough not to give in (I think), but gosh that sounds wonderful. With the discomfort from sitting at a desk all day, wearing comfy clothes would make me so much happier. My back is starting to get a little achy on days that I don't get up from my desk much, and my ribs are starting to hurt too...and my butt. My office chair is not my friend, and little guy has started targeting the right side of my rib cage with his strong little legs. It's never painful when he kicks/punches me, but it isn't comfortable. Still, he's crazy mobile and I absolutely love it, even if it's sometimes in weird places.

Or when I'm on a plane! Like I said, I was travelling last week and that involved a LOT of hours in airports and on planes. Going into the trip, I wasn't really sure what kind of reactions I would get: was I big enough that people would know I was pregnant and offer help/awkward advice or would my coat and bags hide my belly enough that no one would really notice? Well, quite the mix. One flight I sat next to two pretty funny guys, so I dropped the term "baby-brain" pretty quick so there wasn't any weirdness, and they were my perfect mix of making baby jokes but not going too far. They even helped debate baby names...but we mostly ended up making fun of really bad ones we had heard, and deciding that any of our top choices were pretty good. Then there was the not-very-nice lady at the SkyClub who wouldn't let me in even though Delta had made me miss my flight (extending my layover by about 5 hours) and there wasn't a USO. She told me they only allow military if you had orders to/from a warzone, and then said "and I don't think they'd let you be active duty since *gesture at my stomach*". First, you're lucky I got some sleep on the last flight so I was willing to just smile and say OK and let your weird acknowledgement of my pregnancy go. Second, active duty is not the same as deployed! And I could definitely be active duty and pregnant. I'm willing to let this slide a little because people mis-speak, but seriously? I may have subsequently found an empty restroom to cry in for a while... And finally, there was the nice older gentleman who told me I should take advantage of the early boarding for "people who need a little more time getting in their seats." We were starting boarding for a 6am flight, and I had managed to get about 2 hours of quality sleep at the USO so I wasn't feeling too tired, but my ribs/back were bugging me and I was really struggling to be comfortable sitting in an airport chair, plus my coat was off so my belly was definitely visible. When I sat up a little bit at their announcement, the nearby gentleman told me that I should go for it, he would definitely let me. I know, kind of two different standards for people assuming I'm pregnant, but I think I have a subconscious age requirement that people have to meet before I'm ok with it.

Whew, that was long. But seriously, I think my biggest frustration in pregnancy is people being insensitive to others or going too far the other way and worrying too much about offending people. I know it's really hard to know what to do around pregnant women, especially if you have never been, because some women (usually me) really want to talk about it and have people notice, while others will get hugely offended if you ask them when they're due or something even if they're 8 months pregnant. I know it's not fair to have to predict our crazy hormones, because even we can't really, but whatever you do/say, just be kind and tactful. I don't think I would care if someone said "wow, are there twins in there?!" once I get bigger, but does anyone actually think that's a good thing to say? I wouldn't go up to a skinny person and say "wow, when's the last time you ate?!" Different, but close enough. Somewhat related: I'm so sad by all the pregnant ladies that are so obsessed with their weight, to one extreme or the other. I'm sure it's tough for a lot of women to see the numbers steadily increasing even though they're eating well and maybe still exercising, especially if they've struggled with their weight in the past. I just remind myself that my doc will let me know if I need to slow down, and I'm growing a healthy little boy. Remember that you're creating another human being and you're supposed to gain some weight. But that's all I'm gonna say about that, I don't really want to open that can of worms.

Ok, last topic for the night I think, and I may have touched on this before but I don't remember. I usually don't worry much, partly because I've never had any really terrible things happen to me, but mostly because of my faith and knowing that God has a plan and he'll work things out the way he wants them. However, this little boy has turned me into a bit of a worrier, which in turn worries me because stress isn't great for him (I know, this makes tons of sense). It's not quite as bad now because we've gotten out of the "danger-zone" and I can feel him kick every day, but I still worry that I'm not doing everything I should to give him the best chances in life or I am doing things that will hurt him, to varying degrees. What if me not drinking the huge amounts of water they suggest is going to bring pre-term labor, or what if I'm eating something that I didn't realize was bad for him? Part of the little pity party that I threw myself in that airport bathroom was brought on by the stress of not feeling him kick in a while. I don't know if he was just sleeping most of that time because my inner clock was getting thrown off, or something about flying made him sit still, or what it was, but I was terrified of what might happen when I went to the bathroom and I hadn't felt him kick since the night before. Of course, he took a couple shots at my ribs about an hour later, but I was so scared that something about flying or lifting my bag had done something terrible. Also, in fully-rested retrospect I'm pretty sure that nothing I did was even remotely risky, but my mind still won't be completely at ease until our next appointment.

I was going to talk about my exercising/not exercising struggles, but I really just want to get this posted. I'll talk about it next time. And thanks for reading, here's my 25wk bump as a reward :)